Heavy heart

I sit in a peacefully quiet house. Both my husband and daughter are sleeping so soundly and it brings such a sweet blessing to my heart, just knowing that they are healthy and alive!

I can't say that my heart is feeling so peaceful right now, or my mind.

I'm not really sure why but I'm feeling so burdened for the parents that are out there tonight suffering over the illness of, or even loss of, their child. And I'm not talking about just a little sad moment quickly followed by the relief that my child is happy, healthy and alive. Now move on.

But I've been crying, I mean full on sobs, through out the day just imagining the feeling a parent would feel when dealing with a loss of a child, or possibly even worse, facing the fact that their child is slipping through their hands and will be gone at any moment.

I don't understand why I'm feeling this burden. My baby is healthy. And besides the bouts of teething irritability she went through today, I'd say she is a pretty happy baby. I am so thankful and feel like I am able to appreciate her life even more just knowing what other parents are going through on any given night.

I don't understand why I'm unable to let my brain relax enough to drift off to sleep and to rest knowing my child will wake up in the morning and have a pretty normal, happy and healthy day. I'm not sure why God is allowing this burden to keep me up tonight. Possibly it's to draw me into His word as I find refuge and comfort in His promises. Or maybe it's that I would be drawn to my knees to pray on their behalf. It would be my honor to intercede for them and to praise God for He is faithful to hear and to answer our prayers.

God never promised that this life would be easy or pain free. If there is anyone who understands the burden and grief of losing a child, God knows. His only Son, Jesus, was beaten, tortured and killed. If anyone knows sorrow it's the Lord. Every heart broken and every tear shed is felt and counted by Him.

I won't try to hide the fact that I'm struggling with the reason that God would allow these kinds of things: cancer {or any illness}, especially in a baby...; abuse, to a sweet and innocent child...; the grief and sorrow of someone lost, long before their time...; the list is endless and many know these things well. Too well.

I won't try to hide that I don't know the reason why He allows it. I don't know why He doesn't step in and keep it from happening. I don't know why He choses to do the things that He does in the ways that He does them.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

But I do know, with all of my heart, that He is God. He has a reason, He knows what it is. And He will take care of His children and He will make every single wrong done in the world right again. Some day. He has a plan. He is God.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills-

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, 

Who made the heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper, 

The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil:

He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore.

Psalm 121

Note to self

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
Note to self:
If you get into the back seat of your car to feed your baby while you are out and about running errands and shut the door... the door that has the child safety lock ON, then you won't be able to get out!
This did not happen to me. Nope! Not me. I just want to make sure that is never does.
But...
If it ever does, which it won't, then I will have enough common sense to roll down the window and open the door from the outside. That just makes way more sense because I would never be caught dead crawling over the front seat like a monkey, practically getting stuck, and having to get repositioned to fit. That would be ridiculous!
And if that ever did happen, I wouldn't dream of doing it with other people in the parking lot, in plain view and staring at me.
It's a good thing this never happened to me. : }

Simple Pleasures.

I was inspired to write down my simple pleasures from a blog I enjoy reading. I think it's a great concept, to reflect on all of the simple things that can bring such great joy! So without further ado...

Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake from Starbucks

When the temperature is just perfect, not too hot & not too cold.

Getting lost in a good book.

When my baby girl and I spend 20 minutes just laughing.

A clutter free room/ house {even it's only for an hour or so ;) }.

A Sonic Dr. Pepper.

Getting a picture of E smiling... that isn't blurry!

Relaxing weekends of just doing fun stuff... or nothing at all!

Buffalo Wild Wings.

When all the laundry is done! {ha, yeah right!}

Finding a killer sale.

Chapstick.

Grandma J's homemade mac'n'cheese.

Holding hands with Stud Muffin.

A new pair of shoes.

Turning on the radio just in time to hear your favorite song.

Answered prayers.

Well that's it for now, but I think I'll keep adding to the list as those simple pleasures pop up!

While daddy's away...

... his girls will play!

I LOVE this picture!

E's new high chair!

This one fits her SO much better!

{Miss you daddy...}

A day in the life of...

... a mama and her Cupcake!

Today is our first day of our weekend long 'bonding' adventure! It really hasn't been that different from a usual day since Stud Muffin is at work during the day {although he works a later shift and so we spend the mornings together}, but this evening and through the night will be the real challenge.

So my plan is to stay busy and wear this little one out in hopes of maybe getting some quality sleep tonight.

This morning we got up and headed straight over to Babies'R'Us for their "Great Trade In" event. It's where you can take in your used car seat, high chair, crib, etc. and trade it in for a discount on a newer and safer version! Although I am quite certain that the high chair we got at a garage sale before Cupcake was born is safe enough, we decided to take advantage of the sale and get a new one! I also fell in love with this one because it's actually four seats all in one! And we can use up to three at any one given time {for those future baby cakes... TBD at a later date}!

After our trip to our favorite baby store we headed right over to JoAnn Fabrics, our favorite craft and project store!

Cupcake enjoyed being big enough to sit in the cart with out her car seat and she helped me shop.... ok so she really just entertained herself with my scarf mostly!

When we left JoAnn's Cupcake fell asleep in the car so mama enjoyed a Dr. Pepper from Sonic while she took her nap.

Next we headed over to the Subaru dealership and waited for the car to get it's oil change and 15,000 mile servicing.

We played while we waited... This is E growling while she holds her toy in her mouth! She cracks me up :D

That's our day for now... We'll spend the afternoon at home playing and just relaxing! Got a few projects that I'm looking forward to working on... if I can just find some free time! ; D

Dread.

Yep, it's true. I am actually dreading the weekend...

Stud Muffin is going out of town for a work trip. He leaves bright and early tomorrow morning and doesn't come home until Monday. Although I will miss my husband dearly, I am a big girl and can manage on my own, when I have to. Of course I prefer to be with my best friend whenever possible, we have fun together :D

But what I am dreading most is not having the tremendous help and much needed relief that my husband offers me. He is an amazing dad and loves to spend time with his daughter when he can! That is usually the weekends, so I know that it's going to be a long couple of days for him too. But with E figuring out what her sleep schedule is going to be and sticking to it, Stud Muffin and I have been splitting the night in to two shifts, so we can both get some quality sleep! Maybe we will experience a miracle and Cupcake will sleep all night every night... {a girl can dream...}

I'm planning to keep busy over the next couple of days, not with housework necessarily but with fun stuff! We will probably frequent Gymboree Play & Learn a couple more times than usual. I hope to spend some time with dear friends of ours and then we will be at church for service and for youth group on Sunday!

In other news, E has gone from sitting like a pro....

to getting up on all fours and wanting to crawl really bad....

She will be on the go in no time! And then I'll get on that exercise routine that I so desperately want to start but just haven't yet!

The way, the truth and the life

He is the first and the last, the beginning and the end. He is the keeper of creation and the Creator of all.

He is the architect of the universe and the manager of time. He always was, always is, and always will be.

Unmoved, unchanged, undefeated and never undone.

He was bruised, but brought healing. He was pierced, but eased pain. He was persecuted, but brought freedom.

He was dead and brings life. He has risen to bring power and He reigns to bring peace.

The world can't understand Him. Armies can't defeat Him. Schools can't explain Him. And leaders can't ignore Him.

Herod couldn't kill Him. Nero couldn't crush Him. The new age cannot replace Him and Oprah can not explain Him away.

Remind yourself that He is life. He is love. He is longevity. And He is Lord!

He is goodness, kindness, faithfulness and He is God.

He is holy and righteousness and powerful and He is pure. His ways are right. His word is eternal.

His will is unchanging and His mind is on us. He is our Savior, our guide, our peace, our joy, our comfort, our Lord and He rules our lives.

I serve Him because His bond is love. His yoke is easy. His burden is light and His goal for us is abundant life.

I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise, the power of the powerful, the ruler of all rulers, the Ancient of Days.

His goal is a relationship with me!

He'll never leave you, never forsake you, never mislead you, never forget you, never overlook you, and never cancel your appointment in His appointment book. NEVER!

When you fall, He'll lift you up.

When you fail, He'll forgive you.

When you're weak, He is strong.

When you're lost, He is your way.

When you're afraid, He is your courage.

When you stumble, He will steady you.

When you're hurt, He's going to heal you.

When you're broken, He will mend you.

When you're blind, He will lead you.

When you're hungry, He will feed you.

When you face trials, He is with you.

When you face persecution, He will shield you.

When you face problems, He will comfort you.

When you face loss, He will provide for you.

And when we* face death, He will carry us* all home to meet Him.

He is everything, for everybody, every where, every time and in every way.

*This reference is for those who have chosen to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. That choice is available to every single person.

I didn't right this. It was sent to me from a friend who got it out of a Beth Moore study. It moves me and leaves me speechless every time I read it. To think this is the God I serve, the ONE who loved me first and chose me before the beginning of time. Speechless.

As speechless as it leaves me to soak in who God really is, I can't help but be stirred up when I hear someone speak against the truth that is my God. And that is why I can't hold back from speaking about who He is. The truth must be said. It must be heard.

I believe that I am called to respect any and all authority placed over me. That is the order that God has put into place.

Everyone must submit himself to the government authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

Romans 13:1

You won't hear me speak out against our president, who ever it may be at any given time. That is, I won't speak against His character or spread gossip. Neither will I wish harm on him or his family, as I wouldn't do for anyone.

But I can disagree with a person's choices or what they state on my behalf, representing me as an american.

The truth is there is no man on this earth that can be 'hope' for people. We are all human, we are all sinful, we will all disappoint and let others down. The only true hope for all mankind is through Jesus Christ.

He IS the only WAY, the TRUTH, and LIFE.