Would I be...

Would I be lying if I said that staying home is easy?

It's harder than I ever thought it could possibly be.

Long hours.

No nights or weekends off.

Would I be a horrible mom if I said that there have been {recent} times that I've thought 'I don't want to have any more children' {because I don't want to experience this again}?

Sometimes this job is so hard,

I think 'I couldn't possibly want to do this again.'

Would I be wrong if I thought this job, being a mom, was really a way that God wants to continue to grow and to mold {prune really} my character?

I've never seen the ugliest side of my

selfish nature like I have these last 6 months.

Tonight was a rough one. For what ever reason sleep was fought. It was fought the strongest it's been fought so far. There were tears involved, by both of us. As much as I am against CIO methods, it got to a point where I'm not sure that it mattered if I was holding and bouncing her or if she was laying in her crib. The crying was intense.

As difficult as it is to admit, I lost my temper in the form of a growl of frustration. This in turn only sent the already on-the-verge-of-hystarical upset E into a startled uproar. Let me just say that it was not pretty. And I'm not proud of my lowest moments.

At this point I just had to stop. I turned on the dim light {the one we use in the night only if we need to see, it's actually a blue light bulb} and unwrapped E from her wrap that she sleeps in. She slowly started to settle down. However, no matter how I tried I could not get her to look at me. We sat in the glider and she leaned on me, completely relaxed, but wouldn't look at me for anything in the world.

After we rocked for a few minutes, in complete silence, my heart was softened and I couldn't hold back so instead I full on apologized for losing my temper. I kissed my sweet girl's head and caressed her foot {which she was using to distractingly play with the arm of the chair}. She looked up at me, only after I had apologized, and we finally made eye contact. She gave me a smile, her toothless grin that melted my heart like never before. Her little hand reached up and touched my mouth and she said something in her 'baby-talk.' And I knew that she had forgiven me. We had made up.

It was the sweetest exchange I had ever experienced.

We continued to rock and to quietly play together. And it was then and there that I decided to always, no matter what has taken place between us, to always apologize and ask for her forgiveness. To never ever let a wronging on my part go with out making it right. Making it right in her eyes, and in the Lord's eyes.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 127:3

Song for a Fifth Child*

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

*I do realize that I do not have 5 children. Not even close really. I only have one, and she isn't even a year old.

But I love the words to this poem/song. And even as a first time mama I can relate to this so much already. There are days that I am so stressed because I haven't done a lick of cleaning and it's been 3 days. But it's in those times that I like to be reminded of the fact that there is a lot that I have been doing:

Feeding my baby~singing to my baby~bouncing my baby to sleep~playing with my baby after changing her diaper~playing with my baby while I'm changing her diaper~making baby food~teaching my baby to roll over~ teaching my baby to sit up~playing with my baby while she has 'tummy time'~singing to my baby~making my baby smile/laugh~going on outings with my baby~taking pictures of my baby~writing in a journal to my baby~making silly faces for my baby~comforting my crying baby~cuddling my sweet baby...

What is 'Bold Blogging?'

This isn't the first time that I have {in my humble opinion...} blogged boldly. There have been other times that I have written about my faith {here and here are a couple of examples}, and not to mention my opinions on vaccines and breastfeeding.

But lately I've been asking myself the question What is bold blogging?

I really started thinking about it after this fellow blogger wrote this and then in response to that blog another fellow blogger {and reader of the first fellow blogger :)} decided to start doing this.

So the conclusion that I have come to is that for my personal bold blogging {I know that everyone's bold blogging could look very different} it means that I will speak boldly for the things of the Kingdom of God. The things that I know to be truth. Those things which the Lord is working out and through in my life and in my relationship with Him. I hope that it will encourage me to seek Him in His word and all that I do everyday of my life! If my bold blogging is able to encourage, exhort, minister or simply speak truth to someone else in the world, Praise God!

But what I don't want bold blogging for me to be:

1. My opinions spoken as fact. Don't get me wrong, the truth of the Gospel message is, to me, indeed fact and I will proclaim it as such as long as I'm living on this earth. But things not pertaining to salvation of souls, I don't want to push those kinds of things.

2. Condemning or judgmental. Again, if anyone feels that my proclamation of the gospel message as being true is condemning others or judging anyone, then they have missed the true meaning of the message itself. Jesus came to bring Life and to bring it more abundantly! He spent His time with the sick and hurting people so that they would know that there is more than this painful and sickness stricken world.

3. Not honoring or giving all glory to God. He is the only one worthy of praise! And one day every knee will bow and acknowledge Him as Lord. I want to do that now!

So I ask of you, dear readers {all three of you!} to please keep me accountable and if you believe that I have done any one of these things in my future of bold blogging, please speak up and let me know. I pray that I will have a humble and soft heart to hear you out and respond accordingly, in a way that also brings glory to God.

"My Big Fat Greek Stuffed Peppers"

Yummy!

I made these for dinner tonight.

I got the recipe from a cook book I've been living by, "Saving Dinner." It's a great cook book for someone who doesn't know how doesn't have a lot of experience with making full dinners, main dish and sides, and with meal planning. This book does it all! It even gives you the shopping list for all the ingredients that you need for 5 whole meals.

So anyway, on to this yummy dinner :)

What you'll need:

6 bell peppers, halved & seeded

2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, chopped

1/2 lb extra-lean ground beef

salt & pepper to taste

1 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp basil

2 large tomatoes, diced {I used a can of diced tomatoes and just drained the juice, worked great!}

3 cups brown rice, cooked {I used white for shorter cooking time, but prefer brown usually}

1 cup Feta cheese, crumbled

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly grease a baking sheet and put peppers, cut side down, on the surface. Roast in the oven for 20-30 minutes or until they're tender and skin begins to brown.

While peppers are roasting, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat and add onion. Cook onion till translucent, then add beef, crumbling well; add salt and pepper to taste. Drain well and blot with paper towels (with this step the fat grams will be lower).

Add seasonings to beef mixture; then add the tomatoes and rice. Mix well. Add the Feta cheese and mix well again.

In a baking dish, place peppers cut side up this time and fill with meat and cheese mixture. Cook for an additional 5-10 minutes or until heated through.

I personally, thought that this dish was delish! I served it with baked sweet potatoes and a fresh salad. It's a simple and healthy meal anyone can do, even a busy mom ; )

And just for kicks, my little helper:

Couldn't ask for better company :D

Fear tactics

Does anyone else have this problem? Maybe you can relate.

It seems like every time I make time to spend reading the Word and really focus on seeking God I am haunted by spiritual warfare. I've started to notice this trend lately and it's really starting to bother me even though I know that it shouldn't because God's word warns us about this very thing happening.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

When I have made time during my day {usually during cupcakes first nap time} for quiet time, to read my bible and to pray, it seem that through out the day and especially at night I am tempted with fear. For example, after I put cupcake down for the night {I'm alone until Stud Muffin gets home from work because he is working a swing shift} I spend time in the kitchen, cleaning bottles, loading the dishwasher and just getting ready for the next day. We have a window at the sink and then the front door is directly to my back. I get spooked so easily and feel like someone is watching me and thoughts of someone breaking in.

Some times the fear is greater than others, but no one should have to be afraid when they are in their house {especially with an alarm, which is always set}!

But even with this trend, even if the enemy continues to haunt me, to try and stumble me and tempt me from spending time in the word and seeking my God,

I will not cease.

Because my God is bigger than that. He is greater, He is mightier than any fear. I will praise Him for who He is. And no matter how the devil tries to scare me into not seeking my God, I know that God is the only one with true power and He will watch over me.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him. Psalm 37:39-40

I will take refuge in Him.

Snow flakes keep falling on my head

Not really. We are staying inside today!

I'm not exactly sure what the temperature is outside, but it looks cold with the snow flakes falling and wind a blowin' {a mirror contrast to the 48 deg and sunny weather we had yesterday}.

This isn't cupcakes 'First Snow' by any means, but it's the first time that I've taken her to the window and she was actually interested {more like in amazement!} and watched the flakes blow around. She would get so excited and take a deep breath {like she was gasping with surprise} and then 'tell' me how it was.

Yes, she is starting to 'talk'! She will actually say 'ma ma ma ma' over and over. {Of course I humor myself and reply 'Yes dear?'}

And she recognizes her name! This is the look I get when I call her name:

I also decided to pull out her high chair {a garage sale steal} and see how she fancied it...

She is still a little small for it, but I figure she can start getting used to sitting in it from time to time. :D

A ray of sunshine

It looks like there may be hope on the horizon!!

So... while we have been dealing with sleep issues on the surface, it seems the culprit of our stolen hours of slumber was buried a little deeper.

Our cupcake has pretty much always been such a laid-back mellow baby. But these last two weeks had us thinking that we were turning another corner of our little girls personality. She was constantly fussy and in need of someone to entertain her. Just not herself.

While we had a house full of company for Christmas, E gradually started eating less and less than she usually ate. At the time I just assumed that it was the distraction of everything going on, that she just wasn't used to it.

Then her sleeping started to become disturbed, with wakings from every 1.5 -1 hrs through out the night. She would wake with a cry, almost seeming to be in pain and we would only be able to sooth her with a bottle. At first she would drift back to sleep while finishing the bottle. But as of late, she would instead by wide awake and to get her back to dream land involved about 30-45 min of bouncing. I would be able to get her sleep in my arms, but even then as soon as I laid her down in her crib she would wake again.

With that issue, being that I was exhausted and anxious to get back to sleep myself, I would just bring her into bed with us and she would sleep... but only until the next fussy waking would make it's appearance. A vicious cycle to say the least.

What really began to be the brutal part for me is that on top of my obvious frustration and stress, I was becoming more and more sleep deprived. These to combined were causing me to feel resentment towards little cupcake and that is not acceptable. It's not her fault, and I know that she was obviously feeling the effects of it all as well, with her being more fussy and all.

I finally started unraveling the mystery when I realized that E was struggling to have a bowl movement and was only having one every other day... ah ha! It finally hit me {isn't it just dandy that looking back it seems the solution should have been more obvious much sooner?!}

We switched to soy formula about a month ago and ever since then her stools have become like a thick paste {sorry if this disgusts you, something about becoming a mom that seems to strengthen you stomach} and she wasn't passing even half the amount as before.

Hello! I don't know about you but I know if I am constipated, I don't really feel like eating... With her eating less it's no wonder she would wake up to eat through out the night.

After I got the idea that this could be the issue we drove down to Babies'R'Us to get the milk version of Earth's Best formula. We came home and she drank a bottle without issue and soon after had a bowl movement {which I think was already in the works, doubt the new stuff worked that fast!}. It wasn't too long after that...

And cupcake had a TWO hour nap! If only I had know that she would sleep that long {and not the 30 min or less naps that she's been fashioning} I would have partaken in a nap myself!

Not only did she nap great, but she is now in bed. Sound asleep. With out a peep! {YAY}