Having four kids is hard. Being a mom is hard.
I'm not saying that it's harder than anything else out there.
I just need to say it. Mostly too myself.
I try so hard.
I try to...
...keep it all together.
...to keep the house picked up.
...to stay ahead of the laundry.
...to prepare good, healthy meals.
...to feed my kids something they will eat.
...to keep up with the dishes.
...to spend quality time with each kid.
...to encourage and not always be criticizing.
...to put my husband first. (I even failed at putting that at the top of my list...)
...to put God first. (Ok I really screwed that one up.)
...to take care of my own needs, without feeling guilty.
...to stay calm, when really I'm losing it inside...
Does that list sound familiar to anyone else? I know I'm not alone.
Today I just needed to say it out loud, "This is hard." It was like a breath of fresh air and weight lifted, just to simply admit to myself, that it's not even close to as easy as I want to make it look. And it's not that it's surprising to me that it's hard. Everyone told me it would be hard. I knew it was going to be a challenge.
I also love it. The crazy that has become our house and our life! I'm so excited for the days, weeks, years ahead. All the changes and adventures. And maybe even the disasters that will make for a good laugh down the road.
I love this family of mine. I'm so grateful that this is my life and these are the gifts God has given to me! I know He loves me. I know He does because I love this family like my heart could explode! And His heart is much bigger than mine.
Maybe it's just the postpartum hormones talking. Even though it's hard and I want to break down and cry, a lot, I have never been so full of joy and love in all my life.