Well this morning it happened to be my husband. Bless his heart, he couldn't do anything right to save his life. And the crazy thing is I knew I was wrong in my actions but it kind of felt like I was walking and thinking in a cloud. I just couldn't snap out of it. That only frustrated me more.
After hubby left for work I decided to get out of the house. The cold weather we've been having mixed with illness has kept us locked up and I'm not too sure that's good for anybody. So while I drove the kids to our local indoor play place I was privileged to listen to some teaching of God's word on the radio station our church started recently. It can be heard all over the area and can be heard anywhere in the world from here.
It's Bible teaching all the time from different Calvary Chapel pastors all across the U.S. Plus worship music mixed in. And it's tuned in on my radio dial in the car so I can listen in to who ever is teaching whenever I'm in my car.
And today, after listening in for the several times I was in the car, I felt a significant change in my attitude from this morning. And looking back I can clearly see that I had a veil of darkness over me. An oppression of the evil one. And I know thats what happened because of the obvious freeing feeling I have this evening. I just feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't have any of those same negative feelings or thoughts that I had this morning.
And I can't tell you that anything significant happened today. There wasn't any one thing that I heard on the radio station today that caused me to suddenly snap out of it. I would describe it more as God gradually changing my heart and drawing me back to Him with all the things I heard today. The one common thing I heard today was God's truth and simply put, His love. More specifically His love for me, even though I don't deserve it. That He has forgiven my sins. All of them. Past, present, and future. even future sins that I haven't even sinned yet. Wow.
Now that I think about it, the overwhelming theme that I heard and that really spoke to me today was God's grace. The fact that He grants favor and love and mercy towards me even while I'm not deserving. Incredible. It's so amazing it's hard to fathom or understand sometimes. Even today, while my attitude and behavior was much less than graceful towards my husband, God made a point to speak to me about His grace towards me. Amazing.
So that was my day today. Nothing real huge or significant, at least to anyone else. But it has ended up being attitude and perspective changing. And while it's worn me out it's also been the refreshment that I needed. And God new that. He always does.
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."