a little bit of independence

The first time my baby falls a sleep in their bed with out me rocking them, it's always difficult for me.

I don't know what it is but there is something about rocking my sleepy baby and having them give in to the weight of their eyelids, hearing that heavy sigh of total relaxation as their bodies and minds drift off to dream land. I know it's not for everyone, to allow a 15 month old to need me rocking him or her to sleep before putting them in their bed. That's ok.

Ever since I held my daughter in my arms for the first time I knew that I would hold her, rock her to sleep for as long as she allowed me to. They only stay little for a short time. I never wanted to look back and think I should have rocked her to sleep longer. Or regret rushing her into a little bit of independence.

And when my son came along, I decided that any way that I could I would do the same with him. I would rock him to sleep until he didn't want to be rocked to sleep any more. It's been much more challenging having a toddler running around the house who needs my supervision pretty much all the time still. But we have managed and I've been able to rock him to sleep for bed and for naps.

Today was different. I didn't see it coming, I didn't with his big sister either. Lately my little 15 month old son will fight going to sleep, even though he is too tired to keep his eyes open. He fights with them shut. If he resists me by arching his back then I simply lay him in his crib and tell him 'night-night' and leave the room. Usually I return when the sound of his tears turns to a sound of surrender and I pick him up and rock him to sleep.

Today he resisted and I laid him down, but he never cried. He talked and moved around and stayed content. So I left him in there. I knew I would go back in if he began to cry enough that I knew he was ready. It wasn't long though, before I couldn't hear him moving around on the monitor. I listened closer... nothing.

Being the panicky worrier that I am my first thought is he's dead! and I swiftly but quietly crack open his door to check. He's asleep. He's asleep!.... He's asleep... no crying, no fussing... no rocking.

And don't get me wrong, it's bittersweet. With the birth of our third baby around the corner I've been {secretly} praying that he would get to this point. And just the way his sister did, in the eleventh hour of our third child's birth, he gains a little bit of his independence. And I'm proud of him.

To teach and train my children

I've been think a lot about my role as a mom and wife and God is just teaching me so much! I want to soak up everything He's showing me in His word and then confirming through His Spirit. I hope that I will continue to seek Him and desire His will over my own will when it comes to my family and responsibility as a homemaker.

This morning, in my quiet time with Him and as I got ready for the day, the Lord spoke to me specifically about who He wants my children to be as they grow and mature into adults. There are so many ways, perspectives and opinions on how to raise, discipline and guide our children in the world today. And there are two main influences as well: there's the worlds view, that is society and a secular view point, and then there is God's view point, based on the truth given in His Word, the Bible. This morning God gave me three specific points as a guide for how to raise my kids and one day be used by Him.

I want to share and record them as a reminder to me of the vision God spoke to me.

They are as follows:

To teach and train my children

1. To obey and trust God with their lives and their future.

Those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:10

Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him." John 14:23

2. To serve those around them the way that Jesus would.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

3. To make wise decisions that bring glory and honor to God.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will reap everlasting life. Galatians 6: 7-8

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." James 4:15

And then for the really challenging part.

I heard the Lord speak to my heart,

And how, my daughter, will you teach them? Will you tell them or will you show them?

It's hard enough.

I've had a bit of freedom lately. And I've been enjoying it off and on these last couple weeks!

The freedom I've found has come through realizing life is hard enough with out adding the stress of trying to appear that I have all together.

Because {and here's the kicker} I don't.


There mom, I said it! I can admit it. But only recently has this been something I'm comfortable saying out loud. 


I have always been a bit of a perfectionist and control freak in some areas. I struggle with worrying about what other people think of me. As a woman, a friend, a wife, and a mom. I want people to like me and I want others to approve or agree with how I do things and decisions I make. But living like that is really been stressful and less than enjoyable. And there are a few things that helped me realize that it's ridiculous to live like this.


1. You can't please everyone. There will always be someone who disagrees with you. 
2. Everyone is different! And praise the Lord because how boring would it be if we all did everything exactly the same. So- there can be more than one right answer to the little things in life.
3. Most people don't really care if your carpets are always vacuumed, your dishes are always done, or whether or not your kids faces have food from lunch still on them! {Because they probably have the same things going on}


I came across this blog this morning and I really appreciate what it says. And it's so true.


We aren't helping anyone, or encouraging our fellow moms by pretending that we have it all together or that we have this job figured out and mastered it! Because the truth is, none of us do! 


I know that I am more encouraged to know that I'm not the only mama who has a hard time balancing kids, dinner, marriage, ministry, friendships, etc. And I want to do a better job and just being real, on this blog and in my home. 

This is what it's all about.

Little Lady is going on night number two of a 102 fever. Last night she slept in our bed with us from about 10:30 on. Let's just say she's about the only one who got any sleep...

Well Little Dude slept, but nothing really keeps him from sleep except a hungry belly or the occasional gas bubble refusing to release from within. Thankfully there weren't many of those last night.

And with the fever still hanging around and Tylenol and ibprophin barely taking the edge off, it looks like we'll be having a repeat of last night.

I'm starting to realize this is what motherhood is all about.

Maybe not all about. Of course there are a lot of wonderful easy moments were everything just seems to go right. But we all know that just isn't reality all the time. We wouldn't enjoy those moments if they were.

But then there are the times when one child is sick and needs your full attention. And the other is a newborn and needs your full attention. It's hard, and one of them has to cry for a few minutes even though you just wish God had given you a set of arms for each one.

But these are my babies and I honestly wouldn't trade a minute with them for the world.

10 Months

Sweet baby girl, today you are 10 months.

It's a wonder to me how you could be ten months old already considering it had to have been just a week ago that you spent your days sleeping, eating & pooping.

But that is far from your days now, isn't it...

You are silly and love to play and 'wrestle' with your daddy. I love your adorable laugh and you get a kick out of the silliest things. You think it's so funny to put your finger in our mouth or when we hold you upside down. And you love to make faces at yourself in the mirror, it's so cute.

You still eat jarred baby food, fruit only, mixed with cereal for breakfast. All other foods are table foods. There isn't a table food you've turned down yet! When ever mommy or daddy has food you come right over and hold your mouth open until we give you a bite. :) And you've started gaining an interest drinking from a cup.

More and more you are getting the hang of standing and keeping your balance. Most of the day you are up and then down again, and up again. Of course if there is somewhere you want to go you just get down and crawl, since your so fast and efficient now. :)

You have just learned to wave bye-bye! It's so cute because you do your wave and keep doing it until I say "bye bye" and then you clap for yourself. I love it.

You are such a little smarty pants. Not surprising considering who your daddy is... he's quite the smarty pants too. And he would say that I am pretty smart, cause I married him. I'd have to agree there!

You are still as observant and exploring as you always have been. You study everything you can get your hands on and try to figure it out. You love to pull things out of bags or drawers. You'll empty a clothes basket and when it's contents have all been removed then you lose interest! So silly :)

All of these things describe the little person you are and I can't begin to tell you how much I adore spending my days with you and how much I am enjoying calling you mine. I love you sweet Evalyn. I love you more than you could ever know.

Love,
Mommy