I can't say that my heart is feeling so peaceful right now, or my mind.
I'm not really sure why but I'm feeling so burdened for the parents that are out there tonight suffering over the illness of, or even loss of, their child. And I'm not talking about just a little sad moment quickly followed by the relief that my child is happy, healthy and alive. Now move on.
But I've been crying, I mean full on sobs, through out the day just imagining the feeling a parent would feel when dealing with a loss of a child, or possibly even worse, facing the fact that their child is slipping through their hands and will be gone at any moment.
I don't understand why I'm feeling this burden. My baby is healthy. And besides the bouts of teething irritability she went through today, I'd say she is a pretty happy baby. I am so thankful and feel like I am able to appreciate her life even more just knowing what other parents are going through on any given night.
I don't understand why I'm unable to let my brain relax enough to drift off to sleep and to rest knowing my child will wake up in the morning and have a pretty normal, happy and healthy day. I'm not sure why God is allowing this burden to keep me up tonight. Possibly it's to draw me into His word as I find refuge and comfort in His promises. Or maybe it's that I would be drawn to my knees to pray on their behalf. It would be my honor to intercede for them and to praise God for He is faithful to hear and to answer our prayers.
God never promised that this life would be easy or pain free. If there is anyone who understands the burden and grief of losing a child, God knows. His only Son, Jesus, was beaten, tortured and killed. If anyone knows sorrow it's the Lord. Every heart broken and every tear shed is felt and counted by Him.
I won't try to hide the fact that I'm struggling with the reason that God would allow these kinds of things: cancer {or any illness}, especially in a baby...; abuse, to a sweet and innocent child...; the grief and sorrow of someone lost, long before their time...; the list is endless and many know these things well. Too well.
I won't try to hide that I don't know the reason why He allows it. I don't know why He doesn't step in and keep it from happening. I don't know why He choses to do the things that He does in the ways that He does them.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
But I do know, with all of my heart, that He is God. He has a reason, He knows what it is. And He will take care of His children and He will make every single wrong done in the world right again. Some day. He has a plan. He is God.
I will lift up my eyes to the hills-
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made the heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper,
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil:
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
Psalm 121
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